Photo by Nathan Dumlao.
Aedgar's words are written this way.
Nerida's words are like this.
I want to ask you about a young woman who is having a hard time. Her name’s Caran. She’s a sensitive one.
Caran.
Pause. Sigh.
She did teach quite a bit to the people she had to teach. She could teach some more, but she’s tired of it.
Yes. [Flatly] I’m afraid she might leave soon.
There is a possibility. It’s not that this is gonna happen—this is a point where she could go at any moment if she wanted to.
But there are still some things that keep it a bit interesting for her.
Good.
She changes on a daily basis, or even more frequently than that. Her thoughts are ‘Did I do enough? Is it alright if I go now? Or is there something else I could do?’
'She has to find her way out herself.' Photo by Anika Huizinga.
She feels like she has taught enough. It's like a dead end. There are some tiny walkways going off out there, which she can’t see at the moment. The problem is, she has to find the way out herself.
Yes.
She got a gift from the Universe that could be like having special glasses to be able to see these tiny walkways going out. For now, she’s got no connection to that gift. She feels she does not deserve it.
Do you understand?
It’s not really special glasses, you know that?
I understand. So if she learns to value herself and love herself--
—she will be able to love others.
You need to have enough of something to be able to pass some of it on to someone else. You need to grow it, treat it nicely so that it might grow quicker and then you can share it.
If there is something that you don’t have, you can’t share it: love, compassion, all these things. If you don’t have it, you can’t share it.
So, she’ll be wondering where to find it.
She will find it in herself.
She needs to focus.
So there is a possibility she will find it. There is equal possibility that she will not. But it will be her choice.
Do you understand?
I do.
She was very determined to do the things she was supposed to do. But she got interrupted.
It was as if there was a big force called ‘Envy’.
Envy?
Yes. Someone’s envy. Someone who is not strong enough to control it. And she got it from more than one side: competition.
She was interrupted by envy from all sides. Photo by Frankie Cordoba.
One was always clearly competition. Another one decided later to be a bigger competitor: taking all the help she could get, all the support.
Yes. All the attention, all the love, all the money.
Yes. Yes.
Nothing left for Caran.
Yes. Before, there was one that was very obvious. But that one took a step back, learned something, took a step back. But the competitiveness and envy is still coming through now and then—not as constantly as it did before.
Do you understand?
Yes. That’s very helpful. Do you have any advice for her father, Michael?
Yeah, he too should take a step back. If you make a bit of distance between those ones and yourself, you get a better overview. If you’re too close, you can’t see the problem.
Maybe taking two steps, rather than one, just to be able to see the full picture that’s there. It’s clearly there. Most other people that are far enough away can see it.
But he can’t. He’s overwhelmed because he’s right in the middle of it.
He's right in the middle of it. Photo by Keagan Henman.
He can see what’s right in front of him, but he can’t see what’s around him, too close.
Tell him: Keep distance. Take at least two steps back. It could be an eye-opener.
Because—same thing—you need to take care of yourself. You don’t have enough for yourself? Then there is nothing to give away, let alone share.
Pause.
Learn to think outside of family patterns.
You come into a family to learn some things, but you should not be too caught up in the patterns that build up out of that.
It develops a different structure which can get out of control--so that you’re not able to give the support you want or need, and you are not able to get any support either.
These patterns get more complicated, they get more dense until there is hardly a way out. It’s like a maze.
A maze that’s made out of living plants gets more dense, more dense, more dense if people don’t take good care of it.
If you take care of that maze, it’s fun to roam around and find a way out.
Aerial view of a maze in the Botanical Gardens at Kuala Lumpur. Photo by Deva Darshan.
But if it’s not taken care of, you’ll get trapped. Very scary. And unless you’ve got a chainsaw in your hand, you’ll be lost. You understand?
Unless you’ve got a what in your hand?
A chainsaw.
[Laughs] A chainsaw.
Sometimes it takes the equivalent of a chainsaw if you are caught up in a maze.
It seems to be brutal, to all the onlookers, who are not involved in it anyway: ‘How could that one destroy that beautiful maze?’
Because it’s got out of control. People got trapped in it. It had to be cleared to start again.
Do you understand?
I do.
Well, you don’t get out of families with a chainsaw.
[Laughs heartily]
You don’t even think about it.
[Still laughing] Well, you can think about it, as long as you don’t do it.
Well said.
That’s very helpful insight. I’ll send that to Caran and Michael.
That Michael might understand. The other one is not at a point where she would take anything on at the moment. You can drop little hints. You don’t give the whole story—it’s too overwhelming.
Okay.
It’s like being trapped in a maze.
Do you understand?
Yes, I do. That’s very helpful.